Top 5 Jobs You Should Never Ever Take

Some jobs are mildly unpleasant, some don’t feel like jobs at all, and some jobs are so bad you can’t believe they exist. These five worst jobs are so bad that we can’t possibly advise anybody to perform them, and in fact, we can’t really believe that anybody does them at all. Check them out below, but not if you’re job-searching. Then stay far, far away.

Number Five: Taser Tester. Yup, this is exactly what it sounds like. If you’re willing to suffer through involuntary bowel movements, muscle spasms, teeth clenching and just general unpleasantries, then taser testing is for you! If you’re willing to suffer through one million volts of electricity over and over, then you’ll be able to make anywhere from $25,000 to $45,000 each year.

Number Four: Roadkill Remover. Someone’s gotta do it. Rain or shine, roadkill removers get out on the streets and locate, remove and dispose of animals left for dead on the side of the road. Despite all the groundwork this requires, roadkill removers only make an average salary of $30,000 per year.

Number Three: Cat Food Quality Controller. Many people are cat lovers, but how much do you really love your crazy kitty? Well, cat food quality controllers must be willing to get down and dirty with cat food, including checking for bone bits, gristle, and performing freshness test. What’s a freshness test, you ask? To test for freshness, cat food quality controllers put their faces right up to the food to make sure it smells “fresh.” To the tune of just $25,000 to $35,000 each year, this job doesn’t exactly sound like a walk in the park.

Number Two: Animals Masturbator. Someone has to collect those semen samples for science! Enter – the animal masturbators. If you’re willing to accept anywhere from $10,000 to $40,000 every year and can handle the shame of knowing you get animals off for a living, then this job is for you. This job is definitely not for everybody, and it probably isn’t for anybody if we’re being honest.

Number One: Sperm Bank Janitor. Finally, the worst job of them all might be the sperm bank janitor. After every sperm deposit, the donation rooms must be cleaned for sanitation reasons. Boys are messy, so there are bound to be offshoots, and janitors have to clean up all errant sperm. If you want to be a sperm bank janitor, prepare yourself to accept anywhere from $16,000 to $37,000 each year.