Number Ten: There You Go by Pink. What she’s trying to say is ‘goodbye and good riddance’. That’s it. That’s the song. And, that’s the perfect thing to say to that regretted ex-significant other who, at the end of the day, was just not worth any more of your time or devotion. Motorcycling her way into moving on, P!nk takes the dead weight off her shoulders with an beau upgrade already in waiting. Lyrics include “I don’t wanna hear that you adore me / And I know that all you’re doing is running your mind games / Don’t you know that game beats game / So your best bet is to be straight with me.”
Number Nine: Fighter by Christina Aguilera. This one’s a cry of gratitude for all the lessons learned from the people we mistakenly cared for. Aguilera shows us how to be the better person, see the silver lining in horrid, cheating exes, and take the higher road. Just remember to thank them “’Cause if it wasn’t for all of your torture / I wouldn’t know how to be this way now / And never back down / So I wanna say thank you.”
Number Eight: What Goes Around…Comes Around by Justin Timberlake. Here we have a more passive aggressive way to approach this particular type of messy situation. Singing “I heard you found out / That he’s doing to you / What you did to me / Ain’t that the way it goes”, our favorite Nsync member reminds us that sometimes it’s best to leave these sort of things to karma. And as ScarJo’s character dies by the end of the song’s music video, we see that karma can be a helpful b****. One more time “What goes around comes back around / I thought I told ya, hey.”
Number Seven: Take A Bow by Rihanna. This is another girl who’s just not having it. Don’t tell her sorry, ‘cause she knows that you’re not. Baby, she knows you’re only sorry you got caught. Set them sprinklers on those lying bastards, Riri. Now sing it everyone, “But now it’s time to go / Curtains finally closin’ / That was quite a show / Very entertaining / But it’s over now / Go on and take a bow.”
Number Six: So What by P!nk. Because sometimes we get more than one awful encounter with the undesirables, here is another P!nk song. So they broke your heart, dashed your dreams, abused your loyalty, and sucked you dry, right? Now that they’re gone, it’s time to binge, to treat yo’ self, and show those mofo’s that you can do better than fine without them. In fact, you can do a thousand times better without their baggage dragging you behind. Lyrics may include “Na na na na na na, na na na na na na / Na na na na na na, na na na na na na.”
Number Five: Fuck You by Lily Allen. Let Lily Allen describe the situation and see if your current-but-soon-to-be-ex fits the description. “Do you, do you really enjoy / Living a life that’s so hateful? / ‘Cause there’s a hole where your soul should be / You’re losing control a bit / And it’s really distasteful.” Does the shoe fit? Now, let Lily Allen tell you what to say to them. “Fuck you, fuck you very, very much / ‘Cause your words don’t translate / And it’s getting quite late / So please don’t stay in touch / Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you / Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.”
Number Four: Irreplaceable by Beyonce. Of course, Beyonce’s here. Of course, it’s “to the left / to the left.” Of course, Queen B is irreplaceable. Whoever cheated on her was a damn fool. Cue the guitar and your ex’s regret. And Bey’s gospel reads “So since I’m not your everything / How about I’ll be nothing, nothing at all to you / Baby I won’t shed a tear for you, I won’t lose a wink of sleep / ‘Cause the truth of the matter is replacing you is so easy.”
Number Three: Survivor by Destiny’s Child. Second-guessing leaving them? Here’s some much-needed empowerment. Lyrics include: “Now that you’re out of my life, I’m so much better / You thought that I’d be weak without you, but I’m stronger / You thought that I’d be broke without you, but I’m richer / You thought that I’d be sad without you, I laugh harder / You thought I wouldn’t grow without you, now I’m wiser / Though that I’d be helpless without you, but I’m smarter / You thought that I’d be stressed without you, but I’m chillin’ / You thought I wouldn’t sell without you, sold nine million.” Hear the harmony, and acquaint yourself with the survivor within.
Number Two: The Sign by Ace of Base. This one is crucial because so many of us are just so dedicated to turning a blind eye to the signs. With this funky beat, may all of us see the sign, and leave all the nega’s in our lives all alone. Lyrics include “I saw the sign and it opened up my mind / And I am happy now living without you, I’ve left you, oh oh oh / I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign / No one’s gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong.
Number One: I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor. You know the song. You’ve sung the song. You’ve mistaken petrified with a pizza pie. If there is one ultimate ode to getting yourself together who’s been thrown at the dumps by some dick (no offense to the men), it’s this masterpiece by the one and only Gloria Gaynor. Lyrics include “I spent so many nights / Feeling sorry for myself, how I cried / But now I hold my head up high / And you see me, somebody new / I’m not that lonely little person who’s still in love with you.” And, she adds a little reminder about not rebounding with your ex, just for sure.